When cooking for the big Halloween party, I looked at the arsenal of food I’d assembled and worried that it might not be enough. Because I always worry it might not be enough.

I wasn’t sure how many folks would stop in, so in a fit of typical overkill, I jerked a frozen roast out of the freezer and threw it in the crock pot. That’s right, I said crock pot. To be honest, I did my ribs in the crock pot this year too. That’s right, I have two giant crock pots (and several smaller ones). I AM NOT ASHAMED.

Slow cooking the ribs for 8 hours was totally the way to go, and they were delish, but really, I think everyone enjoyed that little roast even more than the big country-style barbeque ribs I had not-so-artfully thrown onto a silver platter.

The secret to a good crock pot roast, in my never-to-be-humble opinion, is balsamic vinegar. Not only does it add a little something to the flavor carnival in the pot, but it also works as a great tenderizer to help break down all that connective tissue that you find in a less expensive roast. And, frankly, Mr. Meat and Potatoes and I both agree that we like a well-tenderized version of a cheap roast better than we like the more expensive models. Fat = flavor, you know.

When I do a crock pot roast, I sometimes throw in some carrots alongside it, but usually I just do onion in the broth. I’ve been known to put potatoes in there, but they turn out mealy, and I don’t like celery — and really, it’s all about the meat anyway.

Best Ever Slow Cooker Roast Beast

1 chuck roast (or whatever kind you have in your freezer)
3 C beef broth (I like to save the broth off my roast and freeze it for this application, but the box stuff will work too)
1/3 - 1/2 C balsamic vinegar
1/2 large white onion, quartered
2 or 3 sprigs of fresh rosemary
1 T minced garlic
Kosher salt and pepper to taste (I think you need to cover the roast pretty thoroughly with the stuff)

Directions:

By the time I decided to do a roast as well as ribs, there was no time to thaw it, and I didn’t bother to thaw my frozen stock either. No worries, it’s totally okay to just toss it in there hard as a rock.

So toss the roast and the liquids into the pot. Your liquid should not cover the roast. Rather, it should come about half way up, so adjust accordingly. Put large hunks of onion into the broth around the roast — they’re going to taste delicious later. Then coat the exposed part of the roast with salt, pepper, and garlic, and toss some into the broth as well.

If your roast is frozen, you’ll need to start it on high heat for about four hours. Then, turn the roast over so the braising liquid gets adequate time on both sides, and turn it down to low.

If you aren’t home to do this step, it’s still okay, but you might cut your cooking time down from 8 hours (what I did) to about 6. If you are gone and plan to cook for a really long time (like 10 hours while you are at work), do the whole thing on low.

When there’s about an hour to go, toss in the rosemary, and be sure to hold onto it for when you serve the meat, because it makes your platter look really fancy.

To serve, put the roast on a platter and “rest” it for about 20 minutes (under tin foil if you can) before you cut it.

I usually use an electric knife to slice it, against the grain. If you don’t have an electric knife, use whatever carving knife you have available. I will be honest and say that I have found that my bread knife is pretty useful in this capacity. Pour a little broth over it, and reserve the rest. Be sure you get the onion out of the broth and place it around and atop the roast as well.

Since we decided to ditch the potatoes that traditionally go in the pot with the roast, we’ll need a good accompanying starch, or it just won’t seem like Grandma’s Sunday dinner. We can do mashers, which is what I usually fall back on, but lately I have a newfound respect for the parsnip, thanks to Alton Brown’s TV show about sneaking veggies into your kids’ food without them knowing. So how about a little roasted parsnip instead of a basic mashed potato?

The parsnip has a lot of natural sugar, so it’s a great candidate for roasting — they caramelize beautifully and go great with all kinds of herbs. I like to also use a little balsamic vinegar here to mimic the mild balsamic flavor we have in the roast.

Herb Roasted Parsnips

1 lb parsnips, cut into thick chips
2 T balsamic vinegar
1 T sage
1/2 T rosemary
1 T olive oil
1/2 tsp kosher salt
Cracked black pepper

Directions: 1) Preheat your oven to 450 degrees, or as high as your oven will go.

2) Toss the parsnip coins in the olive oil and balsamic, and spread them on a cookie sheet.

3) Sprinkle with herbs, salt, and pepper.

4) Bake for about 20 minutes, tossing halfway through to make sure both sides are golden brown.

This meal will look sort of elegant and fancy, but will be cheap to make for a crowd. And it requires very little of you in terms of effort or dirty pots and pans. There’s a lot of bang for your lazy buck.